Godzilla: Final Wars

What in the name of holy blue F**k is this? I’ve seen some bad movies in my time and this ranks high among them. A 50th anniversary film for Godzilla in 2004 and this is how Toho decided to send off the big G? Seriously? I kept watching it wondering if this really was the actual movie and not some cheaply made piece of trash knock off, but to my horror I find that no, this is the last Godzilla film made in all it’s in-finiteness to retire the character.

I mean, what the….

Words fail me. The effects are dreadful, absolutely dreadful. The cheapest episode of power rangers has better effects than this movie. It’s astonishing to me that such a low quality level of film making was allowed to be screened at cinemas and people were made to pay for it. Did the director think “yeah, these effects look cheaper than any other Godzilla movie before. That will do”. This movie had the largest budget of any Godzilla movie! Even fan movies created for the likes of youtube have better effects than this movie. Shame on you Ryuhei Kitamura and anyone else who let this out on the general public.

The acting. I don’t even need to go there. Horrible. Even a great script couldn’t have stopped such clunky delivered dialogue. We’ve got this guy who looks like Haggar from the arcade game “Final Fight” (great game) as a captain of a crew of mutants that look like boyband rejects who have to face off against evil aliens that also look like boyband rejects. These aliens control all the world’s monsters except Godzilla. Godzilla goes around the world and beats the crap out of them all. The Godzilla scenes aren’t too bad, but I feel the movement of the monster has become too human.

This is not the Godzilla I grew up with in my youth. I first encountered the big G late on Friday night on Channel 4 after eating a midnight snack in my kitchen and was glued to it. The first movie of Godzilla’s I saw was called “Destroy All Monsters”, followed weekly by “Godzilla Vs Gigan” “Godzilla Vs Mechagodzilla” etc. The Shōwa series. In later years I was able to see the far darker and mature original from 1954. What.A.Movie. The Godzilla remake by the US in 98 wasn’t great nor wasn’t really Godzilla but as a disaster movie of a monster tearing up a city it wasn’t so bad.

This Final Wars Godzilla is a joke though and the apple has fallen far from the tree. The last great Godzilla scene was in the film “Always” which had a brief opening scene of Godzilla. What might save Godzilla now is the planned US reboot of the remake of Godzilla, this time getting the formula right, having a monster that looks like Godzilla and foes to match.

Least Favorite Quote: “Listen kid, there are two things you didn’t know about the Earth. One is me. And the other is… Godzilla” – The guy that looks like Hagger

This entry was posted in Asian Cinema, Science fiction, TV/DVD/Video/BluRay. Bookmark the permalink.

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