Star Wars : The Rise of Skywalker

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You know that old trope where if you catch a kid smoking you just force him to smoke the entire packet to make him sick of it? Well, that’s basically what Hollywood does with Nostalgia these days. They are going to turn our childhood memories into dust.  Not because they made sequels to movies we love but they made BAD sequels to things we love. I think that’s why I’m so done with blogging, besides having no time, I’m kind of tired talking about how crap all these sequels are (maybe a podcast?). I was so bored by fantastic beasts part 2 that I could not mustard an ounce of enthusiasm to share my opinion on it, same goes for Winnie the Pooh, The Lion King and the godawful Terminator Dark Fate sequel.

But you know, I don’t believe it’s impossible to make a good movie, it’s just that movie making has become such a corporate machine that it sells nostalgia to an older generation while secretly making a movie for a younger generation. I don’t want to see my favorite character playing as a secondary character to an unknown new cast of actors I have no investment in but who were put in the film to make it bankable for future sequels and squeeze as much money as possible out of a franchise for a new generation.

‘The Rise of Skywalker’ is a mess of the movie. Why it’s a mess can be boiled down to a few simple factors. First and foremost, Disney. Why could they not plan out a trilogy? A simple beginning, middle and end, a rough outline for directors to follow so they don’t find themselves up sh*t creek without a paddle like they did here. Criticize George Lucas all you want but at least he had a plan, he HAD outlines for the 3 movies -7,8,9. Second, Rian Johnson, who made a pretty good movie with ‘The Last Jedi‘. Mr. Biffo of Digitiser put it best when he said the Rian Johnson had held a party and played the music he wanted to listen to while not thinking of his guest’s tastes. I put it less eloquently in my own review of TLJ but also desired to express the same opinion that these were Star Wars movies and not just a movie to play around with, there is a legacy, a expectation, a line of thought that runs through these films. While TLJ serves Rey and Kylo Ren very well in terms of their story it throws our beloved original trilogy character under a bus. Third, JJ Abrams. I feel that while the man obviously loves his craft he can’t let go of macguffins, he can’t take a film from point A to B without a leap in logic. There are many times in the film where your brain is going “hey.. wait a minute… that’s doesn’t make sense” but the action and story is flying in your face so fast that you’re trying to make the last scene work in your head when you get bombarded with the next leap in logic. This was one of my biggest problems with his Star Trek films and why I just cant take them as seriously as the ones that came before. With that said I have to say that I respect the work he has done, he makes very beautiful movies to look at in the cinema and when he had Lawrence Kasdan writing with him on episode 7what he made was magic. Unfortunately this time the writers he had with him was one of the guys from the… ‘Batman V Superman’ film? WTF?

The Rise of Skywalker probably feels the least Star Warsy movie out of the 9. It feels like more of an Indian Jones movie, mixed in with Harry Potter. I dunno, it’s just getting further away from the brand with these movies, unlike say ‘Rogue One’ and ‘The Mandalorian aka Baby Yoda’ taking Star Wars back to it’s roots.

The film moves at such a fast pace that I finally understand why R2-D2 gets left behind in these films. He is too slow for 21st Century movies. It would be nice if we had fewer set pieces and time spent longer with the characters figuring themselves out. For all the flaws of TLJ at least it did that. The Rise of Skywalker has so many planets and actions scenes and moments of Ren and Rey touching lightsabers that I felt when they actually got to a final battle of sabers between Ren and Rey the anticipation had already been wasted. I actually found the lightsaber battle in this to be boring.

I could go on forever pickings things apart but lets leave it here. The Force Awakens left me in a warm bath of nostalgia with high expectations, The Last Jedi killed those expectations leaving me frustrated and very conflicted with the characterization of a much loved character despite thinking it was a well made film with moments of triumph it left me angry with the treatment of Star Wars. The Rise of Skywalker just felt like damage control. Ultimately I was left unsatisfied, I didn’t find the film funny, I wasn’t blown away by the action or return of original trilogy characters. What I feel is this. Snoke was supposed to be the main villain of this trilogy and that idea got screwed so they had to bring back Palpatine. Rey was supposed to be a Skywalker, either Luke’s daughter or Han and Leia’s but that idea got screwed so instead we get Rey as a Skywalker in name only. It’s just guessing but there was a direction TFA set these films on the TLJkilled and TROS tried to fix. Ultimately, trying to fix all the leaks in the sinking ship was a bit too obvious for me. Do I recommend it? Yeah, sure. But right now I consider it to be down the grid, below Revenge of the Sith, above The Phantom Menace and Attack Of The Clones.

Can’t wait to see the Obi Wan series.

Questions:

What did Fin want to tell Rey? Why the hell did they introduce this as a question and never answer it?

Wasn’t there supposed to be a love Triangle between Rey, Fin, Poe with Rose thrown in somewhere?

Why didn’t Fin and Poe kiss? Can we all agree this is the relationship we want to see?

Where did those Star destroyers and crew come from? Why didn’t anyone notice people being recruited and ships being built on a secret Sith planet that would have required the man power of tens of thousands for the ten thousand ships?

Why was Palpatine keeping quiet so long? 30 years hanging from those wires and orchestrating his return? really? and why come back now?

Where did they find Luke’s old Lightsaber? I asked question this four f***ing years ago also.

How many more magical powers are they going to invent for the Jedi?

Did R2 have bank ups of CP30s memory from the Prequel trilogy too?

 

As Mark Hamill says on his instagram page “one last time…” because you know George Lucas said that he had planned 9 films in the series, so this is really it, JJ Abrams said so too, the disney press release also said this was the end of the “skywalker story/saga”. Except, 14 years ago when the trailers came out for ‘The Revenge of the Sith’ the trailer said “the saga is complete” and if you go back as far as 1980 you’ll find interviews from George Lucas talking about a 12 movie saga. So basically we got 3 more films to look forward to in future and nothing really ends. See you for ‘Episode X’ in 2029 folks when we get to see Rey Skywalker train new Jedi, let’s hope they make a better plan for the trilogy next time.

Favorite Quote: Sigh….. – Me

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